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“Don’t Make Her A Mom…

If you wouldn’t make her a wife.” You’ve heard this time and time again, but how about this one: “Don’t make him a dad if you wouldn’t say ‘I Do.'” Last time I checked, and considering I have a child I’m pretty sure about this one, baby making takes two. Just because you gave birth, doesn’t mean you’re a good mom and just because he didn’t, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad dad. Most people who have an unplanned pregnancy need time to adjust to the idea, both soon to be mom and dad. Unfortunately when this happens sometimes one or the other just isn’t ready to grow up, it takes time, and support and positivity. Wether you are 17 or 25 you have to grow up a lot when a child comes along. It’s a learning experience for anyone, regardless if you were planning on it or not. A lot of these women lay with these men, they support them, love them, care for them and then a pregnancy comes along and he becomes the worst most irresponsible person they know. Well ladies you made the choice to be with him, you already knew all his habits, drinking, video games, you knew if he had a good job or not, an education or not, now he’s a dad and the things that used to be okay are now terrible and the hate comes pouring in. Reality check, a person can’t change every part of themselves overnight. You were with this man before and as long as he’s willing to try then you need to be there for him now. Change isn’t going to be easy for either of you, it isn’t going to happen overnight but negativity will only prevent and discourage any attempt they might be making. Hormones are crazy and I know I for one was a huge jerk to my “baby daddy” when I was pregnant. Thankfully he didn’t give up on me even when I gave up on him. I couldn’t see that he was trying, because all I could focus on was everything negative about him that I still didn’t feel was good enough and this happens far too often. If you are ready to lay with a man, then be ready to support him as well. Yes you are carrying the child, yes you are the one giving birth but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need support as well. Again this is a huge change for BOTH of you. Does he need to support you as well? YES. That’s the whole point it’s a two way track and a lot of times we tend to forget about the dads because they’re not the ones with a child inside them. Both people need to be giving 100%. That’s the bottom line, just because his 100% isn’t perfect yet doesn’t mean he isn’t trying! I know for me my 100% wasn’t and isn’t perfect to this day. Nothing about parenting is perfect, it’s a long journey, no real guidelines, and no way to always know what’s going to be the right choice. The very first right choice you can make in this situation is the decision to support each other like you have been. I am now happily married to my “baby daddy” , we have grown together, and it took a while, things were bad before they became this good but that’s all a part of this journey. Pregnancy changes a lot of things for someone but it doesn’t have to change who you fell in love with. Be there for each other, support each other, be understanding. Take notice of the things they are doing and not just the things they haven’t done yet. Lastly, even if things don’t end up working out between the two of you, RESPECT each other.

I hope this sheds some light on a different perspective and more people can have happier endings.

It does get better.

-LM

© 2014 Alycia Castillo

Consistency, I don’t have it.

I know I’m not that consistent with my writing, but for me when I write something I want it to be real, authentic. I want to write about what JUST happened and is still fresh in my mind. When I still feel all those emotions because even though I could recall them later, I find it best when I can put it on paper ASAP. It can be silly things about I randomly think about or something that happened in real time either way I want to bring an honest true feeling to whatever I write silly or. not and that’s why it doesn’t always happen as fast as others.
It’s just my way to do it.

-LM

Don’t Take Normal For Granted

It’s a normal day, sitting in the drivers seat, I’m strolling in my news feed and my daughter is busy playing with our chihuahua in the back. Waiting for my husband to come, I just got off and he should be done shortly. I look up from my phone and see this man coming out. He’s got on nice black jeans, white T-Shirt loosely hanging from his chest, back pack slung carelessly over his shoulder, his hair is clean cut, short on the sides longer up top. He flashes a half smile, walking with confidence, that is one incredibly handsome man. I can’t help but smile like a school girl looking at her first crush. He walks towards my car, and I start to feel my stomach smile, and my heart racing. I look away, biting my lip trying to hide my excitement. The door opens and a strong arm reaches in grabbing my chin and pulls me in for a kiss. I turn and watch as he opens the back door and shares a hug with our daughter. He puts his backpack down, climbs into the passenger seat before finally asking “how was your day babe?.”

I don’t know about you guys but my normal is pretty damn awesome. I am lucky enough to be as in love with my husband now as I was when we first met. When I see him for the first time every night, I’m not just seeing my husband I’m seeing the love of my life! I love him and I love everything we have together. I never want to go through that moment and take it for granted. Every moment you have in this life is really a gift, you gotta appreciate all those things even when they’re happening every day. Just because they happen often doesn’t mean they’re not special. You give emotion to the moments, they’re going to be as good or as bad as you make them and I for one am making mine the best because that’s exactly what they are.

🙂

-LM

© 2014 Alycia Castillo

Am I The Only One Who. . .

Likes my voice better when I’m sick then any other time. I swear if I had a sore throat and a cough all year around I would totally make it big. All the times I was close to stepping on a stage, I was equally close to coughing my throat off. These last few days I have endured the pain of my chest burning and sinking into my back trying to give room to congestion, but I have also sounded like an angel. It’s kind of like how anyone sounds in the shower singing, but all the time. It’s great.

Who try’s to imagine what they’d do if the bridge they are driving over suddenly collapsed. I go through the motions in my head every time but the biggest thing I worry about is if I survived how would I get my daughter and I to shore without being eaten by a shark first. I am definitely more afraid of the shark possibility then anything.

Checked a drawer/cabinet or anything else that you know would absolutely without a doubt be too small for a murderer, but check it anyways just in case.

Wondered and speculated if there were cameras in the house you happened to be in. Then obviously after wards made silly obnoxious faces to a random corner in the room just in case that happened to be true.

Been in a crowded area and was sure there was at least one other person in the world that could read your mind and vice versa. Look around the room and think to yourself If you can hear this make a suddle glance at me, please I’m begging you, don’t give it away but I KNOW you can read my mind . I know I was absolutely sure of this as a child and can’t say I completely knock it as an adult.

Been driving down the high way, or possibly in the back seat of a car that was and wonder if one of the cars you were looking at had a serial killer in it. Or someone who had been kidnapped. How would you tell, or what would you do? I have definitely played that scenario in my head. Obviously I saved the day.

Still feel bad for stuffed animals when they don’t get played with? As an adult I have talked to the ones my daughter chooses to ignore to remind them they’ll have a turn eventually. You know you did this as a kid at the least.

Realized you’re absolutely crazy, so is everyone else and are kind of okay with it? Sadly this is merely the tip of the loony bin as far as random thoughts go for me.

I’m sure there’s gotta be some ONE person that’s had these thoughts aside from myself. If it is not you, well there’s your daily dose of insanity, and probably the dumbest thing you’ll read all day. You’re welcome.

-LM

Who the Hell Made The First Roller Coaster

And why? I’m just sitting here in my own thoughts and there’s so many questions that go back to “who was the first person to do _______?” And “why?” Milking a cow and deciding they should then drink that milk, putting the alphabet in alphabetical order- how? And numerical order? Why did that work??? Who got to decide that?? Why does a negative times a negative equal a positive, and those are just to name a few things I have trouble gripping my mind around. Then there is roller coasters. Who on earth decided that it would be fun to be on a super fast cart, high above the ground, on some rickety ass wood.

I am pretty sure this must only be a product of what must have started as torture. Seriously. It’s terrifying. Probably some kind of mechanism used to get people to talk. And then they realized that there are crazy people out there who enjoy it, and boom huge industry, tons of fans.

I’m obviously not one of those fans.
You people who enjoy that kind of thing are crazy and I do not understand it. But I also give you major props, I’d probably pass out or throw up. In either case you wouldn’t want to have to sit next to me so you’re welcome in advance for not giving it a go.

Just a random thought I’d share.

(Not part of the awesome things I mentioned in my previous post, still worth it though) 😉

-LM

Guess Who’s Back. . .

This shady writer who left for days is back. I basically submerged myself into a mind boggling state of NyQuill and Tylenol. I couldn’t very well think straight much more write. Trust me I tried and my husband laughed at me. You’d probably get a mixture of foul language from different lyrics and ramblings about The Mindy Project . Today I woke up and I can breathe! My tonsils have finally decided to shrink back to a decent size and thus I no longer need to swim in a pool of sticky, thick, mind dampening medicine. It was pretty suffocating but I do have a few posts up my sleeve and they shall be coming in your beautiful direction over the next couple of days. I for one hope you all have been enjoying yourselves. I can’t wait to catch up on everything I missed. Anyone else ever find themselves in this position?
Eh probably just me.

Stay Happy My Friends.

-LM

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11 Things You Don’t Tell Your Hair Dresser

I’ve seen posts about things your hair dresser doesn’t want you to know. Now here are 10 things that you don’t tell tell your hair dresser.
1. We will cut our own bangs. Sometimes we do this right as we’re walking out the door in a matter of seconds. We have seen you do it, and once we do it the first time, we will most make it a habit.
2. We do in fact use box hair color from time to time. 7 bucks is way better then $80 plus and when your going solo on the color, it’s pretty easy and comes out good enough.
3. We will even brave our chances with a two tone. Do we know what we’re doing? No. But we do it anyways. This has resulted in dark brunette beauties turning into a disaster of ketchup and mustard hair and vice versa. We push our luck sometimes.
4. If we push our luck with that box color we will most definitely find a way to pay that $80 plus ASAP. We will say “oh I’ll wait two weeks so it’s not too damaging.” And promptly be at the salon within the next two days.
5. When you haven’t seen us in forever and we just dyed it not that long ago with that cheap box color we will most certainly tell you it’s been months. We are so loyal.
6. When we see you at the salon with a shady color and terrible cut there is a few excuses we will say: “oh I just met the sweetest girl and wanted to give her a try. I just felt so bad saying no.” “It was a family member of mine, my very close sister/aunt/cousin, convinced me. I shouldn’t have listened.” “Oh a good friend of mine needed practice, thank goodness I have you to fix it.” (We are genuinely grateful that we have you to fix it.)
7. We usually have 1-2 maybe 3 people we trust pretty well with our hair. After all, when we have an emergency like above we need to get in and you girls are always busy (a fabulous problem to have). If we happen to go to one of you and we end up not liking our hair, we will maybe try you once more before going to the other person we also trust to fix it. Again we will say that two week crap and be in there ASAP.
8. When we see this other person our remark will be “My mom convinced me to try a new person, didn’t work out so well. Can you please fix this??” Cue desperate smile. How long has it been you ask? “Oh it’s been weeks.”
9. We really do care about damaged hair but that gets thrown out the window when it comes to having a look we enjoy.
10. We know you probably know all of this and we are like never EVER going to do the above again.
11. We are definitely 100% going to do it again.

To our faithful, beautiful, and all fixing hair stylists, we truly do love you, and in case we haven’t said it enough, thank you.

-LM

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The Last Call- Hug Your Mothers and Their Mothers Too

In Memory of my Great Grandma Edith, her husband Ray and my Grandmother Lori. May you all Rest In Peace.

Waiting for the phone to ring she sits patiently. They will call, they always do.

Her back binds with the wood of a custom made chair, slouching unintentionally. Her arms lay against the table and she is reminded that the heat needs to be turned back on. Her hands free from the gloves that help preserve easily bruised skin fall inattentively where years are shown like a geographical map, ridges from the stress of a shrinking body, lines of blue run from her elbow to her fingertips. The air embraces her with stillness, holding her body in place. Mug condensation fills her nose in a home as old as her. They tend to move the same way, slowly, back and forth, creaking at the joints. A home that once helped raise a family, now reminds her of their absence. Weight hangs on her shoulders like a favorite shawl, for years it has dressed her from the burden of digging a much too early grave, not once but twice.  No mother wants to see their child clothed in their Sunday best, falling deep into the ground and no wife wishes to kiss their other half, the person they shared every undeniably crushing moment of weakness, and brilliant moment of happiness, goodbye for the last time.  She gave so much of herself to them when they left, that breathing is the only thing she has left of herself. That and the gift of grandchildren she was given before her daughters life fell short. These events have turned into her own personal gravity, shrinking her over time-but do not let looks deceive you. This is a strong women.  She is strong in heart, and soul, fighting every day but even the best fighters grow tired at some point.

She waits for the call…. Nothing.

After some time she makes the familiar footsteps to her bed and holds on to her breathe. The weight is following her, tugging at her throat, dead on her chest, causing memories to run from the corners of her eyes. She moans along with the house, Guilt dehydrates her tongue, she wants to hold on, but her grip has weakened. She lays in bed and looks to see her family hanging on the wall, framed in faux wood. Smiling in a time when they were all together. She smiles and the memories begin to sew her eyes shut. She’s tired. She is very tired.

She takes a deep breathe, and thinks of the family that will live to share her memory, every phone call, and the many times spent together, she breathes deeper and smiles along with her husband, she breathes in even harder, straining her fragile chest and laughs aside her daughter.. She lets go of her breathe, and the house goes silent.

The phone rings. “Hello, grandma, I was just calling…..”

-LM

September 25, 2014