If you wouldn’t make her a wife.” You’ve heard this time and time again, but how about this one: “Don’t make him a dad if you wouldn’t say ‘I Do.'” Last time I checked, and considering I have a child I’m pretty sure about this one, baby making takes two. Just because you gave birth, doesn’t mean you’re a good mom and just because he didn’t, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad dad. Most people who have an unplanned pregnancy need time to adjust to the idea, both soon to be mom and dad. Unfortunately when this happens sometimes one or the other just isn’t ready to grow up, it takes time, and support and positivity. Wether you are 17 or 25 you have to grow up a lot when a child comes along. It’s a learning experience for anyone, regardless if you were planning on it or not. A lot of these women lay with these men, they support them, love them, care for them and then a pregnancy comes along and he becomes the worst most irresponsible person they know. Well ladies you made the choice to be with him, you already knew all his habits, drinking, video games, you knew if he had a good job or not, an education or not, now he’s a dad and the things that used to be okay are now terrible and the hate comes pouring in. Reality check, a person can’t change every part of themselves overnight. You were with this man before and as long as he’s willing to try then you need to be there for him now. Change isn’t going to be easy for either of you, it isn’t going to happen overnight but negativity will only prevent and discourage any attempt they might be making. Hormones are crazy and I know I for one was a huge jerk to my “baby daddy” when I was pregnant. Thankfully he didn’t give up on me even when I gave up on him. I couldn’t see that he was trying, because all I could focus on was everything negative about him that I still didn’t feel was good enough and this happens far too often. If you are ready to lay with a man, then be ready to support him as well. Yes you are carrying the child, yes you are the one giving birth but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need support as well. Again this is a huge change for BOTH of you. Does he need to support you as well? YES. That’s the whole point it’s a two way track and a lot of times we tend to forget about the dads because they’re not the ones with a child inside them. Both people need to be giving 100%. That’s the bottom line, just because his 100% isn’t perfect yet doesn’t mean he isn’t trying! I know for me my 100% wasn’t and isn’t perfect to this day. Nothing about parenting is perfect, it’s a long journey, no real guidelines, and no way to always know what’s going to be the right choice. The very first right choice you can make in this situation is the decision to support each other like you have been. I am now happily married to my “baby daddy” , we have grown together, and it took a while, things were bad before they became this good but that’s all a part of this journey. Pregnancy changes a lot of things for someone but it doesn’t have to change who you fell in love with. Be there for each other, support each other, be understanding. Take notice of the things they are doing and not just the things they haven’t done yet. Lastly, even if things don’t end up working out between the two of you, RESPECT each other.
I hope this sheds some light on a different perspective and more people can have happier endings.
It does get better.
© 2014 Alycia Castillo